An 'Open Letter' to School Principals

She was headed to get her hair and nails done for the school prom, and she was elated! I asked this High Schooler about her dress and other attire, and she warmly detailed all that she would wear- - she even shared what her boyfriend was going to sport for their very important event. Somehow she began telling me of her baby boy - - an infant -- and wondering what school would be like for him, when he's of age. The baby's Father, her boyfriend, well, I am not certain how concerned he was about their Son's education. She didn't say. What the young lady did share was that her boyfriend was graduating high school after having attended 4 days of school the entire school year. I asked if he studied online or was homeschooled. "No", she said. I kept reframing my question concerning how and what he did to learn... to achieve... to test... and to come away from his final year of those K-12 years, with a sense of accomplishment and much needed skills for... well, for... life, his future, the workplace, or even higher education, technical or workforce training. "Nothing", she said. This young lady truly stunned me with this report.

Is this even possible? I cannot imagine. My thoughts drifted to the opening statement in the job description of Philadelphia's School Principals.

"The School District of Philadelphia is committed to transforming the education opportunities it offers the city’s 200,000 school-aged children. The district seeks school leaders who have a passion for working with children and leading innovation to ensure all students achieve. With a diverse complement of over 200 schools, the district offers a wide range of school leadership opportunities. Successful District principals are highly motivated, persistent and creative educators who are able to align a school’s resources, systems and people around a rigorous instructional program. A principalship in the district provides the chance to be an integral part of an urban education renewal effort from its inception." - School District of Philadelphia Jobs Website

It certainly pays to have in place School Principals who are "...highly motivated, persistent, and creative educators...". For many students, only Principals fitting this description can break through that Student's personal life and traumatic situations - albeit in some cases, through their teachers, and other staff - to motivate and build tenacity within the Student to advance in their studies, and their life vision & purpose, in order to win. How does a School Principal build a school culture where they are actually "transforming the education opportunities" the school offers in such a manner that "all students achieve"? That's a tall order but an appropriate and admirable mission and vision.

Just a few days ago, a grandmother divulged in conversation with me, her earlier years ... her life of abuse with her Mother - - and later, with her Father. She said, "And how we got to live with my Father was not because anyone helped us, because no one came". It was because her Mother simply said, she couldn't take the children back (at the end of summer vacation with their Dad). I cannot recall whether or not she said - Couldn't or Wouldn't? But, she didn't. This precious Grandmother shared how difficult it was to focus in school. She went on to explain that her 'in school' thoughts were simply about 'life at home' - being cussed out... beaten... frightened... sexually abused... unloved. I had asked her to walk back into time to help me understand how 'what she experienced' - - and how 'the fact that No One Came to help' - - to deliver them from either parent - - framed her life experiences through the years. My hope is that you'll be present when she shares her story on our Podcast. You can hear her responses then.

I want to share excerpts from a letter I sent to a school principal, in the Philadelphia School District. I will do so, to allow you to journey with me as I rehearse the District's Mission, and a portion of their job description for Principals. My focus will be to compare these with the issues I have encountered concerning Young Ones that I love and seek to hand off into this world as well-rounded, emotionally mature, academically outstanding young adults prepared to fulfill their life purpose in excellence and great character.

But first - I wish you all - - as Senior School Leadership - - the very best in achieving the mission and vision set forth by the District. It is not a piece of cake, especially since you engage, at times - deeply troubled children and their families - many who hide the dark secrets of their family as if it were the most precious of ornate crystal - hidden, tucked away, and maintained in their family for centuries. I admire and value you. Achieving the mandates put forth by the District with success, requires a balance of knowledge in child & youth development, child welfare, education, and administrative skills. So journey with me. In fact, I ask that you read and process these excerpts as if YOU were THE Principal in receipt of this letter. In its original form this letter was sent to a school Principal, her Vice Principals and her Counselors. All individuals (other than the Principal) were included because the Principal included them in her response in writing to me. I have removed the names of the School Leadership as well as the children and their family. Each excerpt will be followed by one or more "Essential Competency" as listed in the Job Description for Principals of the Philadelphia School District. Let's dig in.

My Writing (With Personal Experience) to the Principal... and Now to You -

"I am asking you ALL as you read this letter today, and as you reflect upon it in the future, that you do so, not from a place of defensiveness - - but as One whose lone heart - - who while considering its content and context WITHOUT anger or defiance - - receives the words poured onto this letter as it is delivered from this Mama Bear, Trainer to Trainer, Community Educator, and most importantly – my precious ones' Grandmother."

"Quite directly, today, I am writing to address concerns about my grandchildren's care with respect to their educational, psychological, mental and emotional safety and development. It is vitally important that we all have hearts to receive - - even when it is most difficult to hear. Lives are hanging in the balance."

An "Essential Competency" of a Philadelphia School Principal

• Ability to reflect on how to improve, self-awareness of strengths and weaknesses, willingness to take responsibility for actions and mistakes.

My Writing (With Personal Experience) to the Principal... and Now to You -

"I do not know (the way that you all do) the full scope of mandates and policies of the Philadelphia School District with respect to abuse... But my understanding from the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania’s website is that -

“Act 126 requires that all school entities (a public school, charter school, cyber charter school, private school, nonpublic school, intermediate unit or area vocational-technical school) and independent contractors of school entities provide child abuse recognition and reporting training to all employees, including contracted substitute teachers who have direct contact with children. For more information and for a list of approved trainings, please visit the Pennsylvania Department of Education's website.” https://www.pa.gov/agencies/dhs/resources/keep-kids-safe/mandated-reporter-training.html

I am sure that we all are aware that “training” in “how to recognize” child abuse and then “how to” report it, is mandated by way of Act 126.

Also, see https://www.d2l.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Child-Sexual-Abuse-Statistics_Risk-Factors.pdf  And see - https://satchawaii.org/about-sexual-violence/child-sex-abuse/

There is also a statement on SAMHSA’s website that is vitally important when it comes to dealing with children and childhood experiences that are considered ‘adverse trauma’.  More than ever, students in America are faced with adverse trauma. Children bring that trauma to school with them. And while Educators and Administrators wish to be solely focused on the student’s learning, School Counselors, Vice Principals and Principals should be “Keepers In Heart” of a statement found in SAMHSA’s practical guide.

Here’s the statement: Page 8 of SAMHSA’S (aka Substance Abuse AND Mental Health Services Association) Practical Guide for Implementing a Trauma-Informed Approach identifies ‘Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs)’ to be –

“potentially traumatic events that occur within the first 18 years of life. ACEs can include experiences of violence, abuse, or neglect, as well as aspects of a child’s environment that undermine their sense of safety and stability, such as parental separation or substance use problems within the household. https://library.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/pep23-06-05-005.pdf  You’ve read it once – now read it again… Please."

"There was a time that even God winked at ignorance… but not today - - not in these (last) days. There are times that there is “a reasonable cause to suspect” that child abuse is taking place. On page 2 of RECOGNIZING & REPORTING SUSPECTED CHILD ABUSE you will see that based upon relevant family history provided to you, a child’s own demeanor/behavior, and your own education and training which includes what Pennsylvania Department of Human Services calls a - “who, what, when and how observation” you can have reasonable cause to suspect and report child abuse and neglect. https://www.pa.gov/content/dam/copapwp-pagov/en/dhs/documents/keepkidssafe/clearances/documents/kks-reporting-suspected-child-abuse-faq_2024-08-27.pdf

This means that WHEN facts, information, family history or (and NOT THEN) troubling details (that might not sit well with YOU in your gut or knower) reaches your, a staff person or other mandated reporter individual’s ears or eyes, then YOU have reason to report SUSPECTED Child Abuse. Why err on the side of hurting someone’s feelings as opposed to looking into potential safety of a child - emotionally, mentally, psychologically, physically...?"

An "Essential Competency" of a Philadelphia School Principal

• Principals in the District must collect, analyze and use multiple sources of data to guide continuous improvement in student achievement

My Writing (With Personal Experience) to the Principal... and Now to You -

"COMMUNICATIONS BETWEEN SCHOOL AND FAMILIES IN CRISIS

When families are in Crisis schools can create an atmosphere for all sides to feel welcome and informed – and do so without taking sides or bringing about the appearance of taking sides. I appreciate the way in which Vice Principal John Doe diplomatically stepped in to liaise between the teachers and myself in order to allow for me to look at how their Father and I could meet their needs. Fathers have Rights too." As POA of The children "whose psychological health and educational development are at risk, I am working on behalf of their Dad, and I am in place to communicate, discover, and facilitate the implementation of their needs.

 And in case you don’t know it MUCH of what gets accomplished in some families around America is done through the overseeing eyes and the tender and nurturing hearts of Grandparents.

When you chalk up every interaction and step taken - - determining them to be a chess based “custody move” - then you miss the heart of it all. You miss the “subjects” at hand… THE CHILDREN. My concern is the care, the nurturing, the safety, the character building and educational success of my grandbabies. 

Have you ever stopped to think that had a call been placed to me in 2019, 2020, 2021, and 2023, you would have experienced the support of our Family well before ANY CUSTODY CASE would have been created?  Schools like yours have not yet made room for such interaction because they do not know how to do so without taking sides. This should not be."

An "Essential Competency" of a Philadelphia School Principal

• Ensure a safe, secure and orderly environment for all

My Writing (With Personal Experience) to the Principal... and Now to You -

"Consider My Statement Prepared for The Pennsylvania Supreme Court Concerning DHS:

“DHS failed to make available to the children and me, as a Family Court Petitioner, the use of their own policies and standards as a process for investigation in order to determine truth from the children from a place of emotional, sexual, physical and psychological safety. §5986 (a)(1)(2)(i)(ii)(b)(2) and - §6303(b)(1)(4). In fact, during various investigations regarding my grandchildren DHS’s own staff, intentionally identified Wrong Reporter, refused to come out to interview Reporter, Never Interviewed School Nurse, or Others, and frustrated and made more fearful, the abused Children, in an effort to sabotage investigations on behalf of someone – a favor to a family member, or friend, some contact connected by organizational loyalties, or to the Mother herself. Factors to Consider for Custody 5328 (a) (1) – (16); Code of Judicial Conduct 207 2.6 (A); along with the Pennsylvania Constitution Article 1 § 1, make available to victims, Petitioners and Family, who seek justice - -  protection, and in the best interest” of the children - -  a pathway to discovering the truth with each of these Rules’ ‘stated goals’ in mind.”

I followed this statement with this question:

“Did the “The Court” as an authority, measure the successful outcomes of DHS investigations judiciously using its own standards 5328 (a) (1) – (16), or did the Court use DHS as their guidepost for determining a child’s path forward, when DHS will not adhere to their own guidelines of safety for children, when their guidelines clearly state that acts occurring within 2 years – are “recent acts”, and the same where there is “failure to act”-  and both are considered “abuse”?”

Madam Principal, there are lives hanging in the balance. Think of the children who grow up in ‘adverse trauma’ for whom everyone around them could have helped…but didn’t - - who eventually return to school, home or church settings and wreak havoc in those settings - - killing all who failed to help or who harmed them. Or children who experience adverse trauma who grow up into lives of lawlessness - - all because no one took them seriously - - in time, to get them the help they absolutely needed.

My communications were designed to fill you in… to educate you on what the children experienced, and are experiencing, and to discover the course that I have taken to get help for them– in a timely manner.  You saw it as my attempts to get you on my side - - stating in your email - - and in person, things like, “I will not engage in any communication regarding situations with your grandchildren and or against their maternal side of the family with you”. Do you yet see a problem with this mindset?

You have failed to see what we both are dealing with. And even more devastating – you and your staff have failed to understand that the neglectful way in which the children’s mother has handled her ‘parental duties and responsibilities’ with respect to the School District of Philadelphia’s policies IS YOUR GREATEST CLUE THAT NEGLECT and ABUSE are taking Place. You, Madam Principal, have chosen to ignore it all!

This is why we are here – 6 years after bringing my concerns to your school counselor who stated - - in 2019 – that she shared my concerns with her “counterpart at DHS”..."

An "Essential Competency" of a Philadelphia School Principal

• Ability to reflect on how to improve, self-awareness of strengths and weaknesses, willingness to take responsibility for actions and mistakes

• Empathy for the perspectives of students, staff and stakeholders

• Commitment to the service of students and families

My Writing (With Personal Experience) to the Principal... and Now to You -

"DEFLECTING”: AND ITS UNFORTUNATE PRICE PAID BY BOTH CHILDREN AND SCHOOL STAFF

You and your staff have spent these many years Interposing yourselves in this situation – I believe to Cover Up the people you desire to help. Unfortunately, these you help are not your students - my grandchildren. You have turned the attention away from the 2 children, who for 6+ years have experienced ‘adverse trauma’. You have trampled over these children who are the very Subjects of your work to Cover their abusers. And your backhanded way to support the mother – while pretending that I report some “make-believe abuse” - is nothing more than the act of “deflecting”. It is exactly what You and some of your staff are doing to erode the strategic work I am doing for my grandchildren to help them to become safe psychologically, emotionally, physically, mentally and socially, and to support them educationally to become the best that they each can be. It has always been my goal to build in the children - strength, cognitive excellence, wisdom. resilience, and to deliver them to society as engaging young people filled with great moral character and love."

An "Essential Competency" of a Philadelphia School Principal

• Collect, analyze, and use multiple sources of data to guide continuous improvement in student achievement, student and staff well-being, and professional development for staff

My Writing (With Personal Experience) to the Principal... and Now to You -

"I can excuse your ignorance prior to reading these few paragraphs that provide such pertinent details into our lives… well, not really, because had you a real desire to “help children as students” become the best that they could be, you would have looked diligently into the behaviors, as they evolved from the two of them - - beginning at the time those 2019 details were provided to you.

You would have watched diligently for behaviors, attitudes, and parenting failures from the home front that would have provided clues as to why you, the children and teachers were experiencing difficult times with my grandchildren. Or why you saw a display of behaviors, lack of classroom ethics or minimal interest in work from both of them – a change from previous years. You would have wondered why you could get no response from home or questions answered and forms completed.  

But no. Children and Staff have lost equipment, peace and safety because you chose to lie to yourselves or close your eyes and ears to what you were made privy to, and instead, to watch it happen - - not caring at all or counting the cost to come for all involved - - including you.

Now, today, you Deflect. Now that I am present – bringing the issues concerning the children to the forefront - - You find it appropriate to remove the attention from you - - that YOU SO deserve - -and place it on me."

An "Essential Competency" of a Philadelphia School Principal

• Develop a culture of collegial and professional relationships among staff and students that promote critical reflection, shared accountability, and continuous improvement

• Empathy for the perspectives of students, staff and stakeholders

My Writing (With Personal Experience) to the Principal... and Now to You -

"You are responsible, Ms. Principal, for the Cover Up that has taken place at the school. Claiming ignorance to anything your staff does or has not informed you of will not fly. There are at least one of 4 reasons why. Consider these:

1)  You have staff that know you don’t trust their wise choices

2)     You have staff that know their choices are wrong

3)     You have staff that don’t trust you or your choices

4)     You have staff that know you appreciate the strategy ‘don’t tell me so I won’t know’.

Whatever the reason you may find yourself ill-informed or ignorant of what has occurred with my grandchildren or any other, does not release you of responsibility for this Cover Up. For sure, once you came into the knowledge of ANY portion of this mangled mess, you could have stepped in to correct it. You did not. You hunkered down on it all at the expense of my precious Little Ones."

An "Essential Competency" of a Philadelphia School Principal

• Ability to reflect on how to improve, self-awareness of strengths and weaknesses, willingness to take responsibility for actions and mistakes

• Empathy for the perspectives of students, staff and stakeholders

• Clear understanding of policies and law affecting special populations, LEP students and students receiving special education services

My Writing (With Personal Experience) to the Principal... and Now to You -

"You said you would meet with me after the Christmas program but made no time upon return after Christmas break, to do so. You refused to discuss this and any other issues brought to you about the abuse – in favor of who??  I emailed you – providing you details of our family’s experiences – including those with DHS. Meanwhile, you had 2 business days wherein my request to meet should have been responded to. (See Community Members Responsibilities, page 5 – Code of Conduct) You ignored so much of what you saw that you permitted the abuser of my Grandchild to sign paperwork for the very important CCTC work to be achieved for the child. You allowed this man into the classroom of my grandchild - the child he and the family continue to traumatize - and you wonder why he’s tearing up property, screaming and crying, eloping from the class, and not doing schoolwork.

My grandchildren have experienced ‘adverse trauma’ and you have helped to cover it all up. 

Go back and read page 2 of RECOGNIZING & REPORTING SUSPECTED CHILD ABUSE. Again, you will see that based upon 1) relevant family history provided to you, 2) a child’s own demeanor/behavior, and 3) your own education and training which includes what Pennsylvania Department of Human Services calls a - “who, what, when and how observation” you all had reasonable cause to suspect and report child abuse and neglect!   

I am devastated at the harm that my grandchildren have experienced that could and should have been avoided. This all should have been handled differently. You certainly did not “create and maintain a welcoming environment for all students, parent/guardians and visitors”. You did not “cultivate and maintain a learning environment that leads to academic success”. And of a certainty you did not “Respond to Code of Conduct Violations with INTERVENTIONS AND SUPPORT to address student behavior”. Stop kidding yourself.  If you, Ms. Counselor and Ms. Vice Principal do not resign, I will seek to have you terminated. My grandchildren - - and Lord knows how many other children - - have lost 6 years of their lives while you and your people protect the non-innocent. It sounds worthy to claim “The staff at the school will conduct business in accordance with mandated policies and will not get involved in domestic disputes between families”. However, you have failed miserably if (even you have attempted to) “… conduct business in accordance with mandated policies…” of the School District of Philadelphia because you have failed to capture the very essence of their heartbeat for children."

An "Essential Competency" of a Philadelphia School Principal

• Willingness to foster creativity and innovation

• Ability to motivate staff, students and families around the vision of the school

• Commitment to the service of students and families

By now, (if through CASA you are not yet informed), you are wondering which School Principal received such a letter. You may determine to support her in her fight to clear her name and school of such accusations.

It's interesting how being part of a Union can bring so much comfort, strength, and solidarity. There are other connections that provide support equal to, and at times greater than, or more far reaching than that of a Union. Many of you experience the extra fortification of your sororities, fraternities, and your secret societies - I.e. masons, eastern stars.

Please take time to read "Hand In Hand", my Blog written May 29, 2025. It provides perspective you will want to know in situations such as these.

More than anything else that has been shared here or elsewhere, I believe that you must always remember that harming children - directly or indirectly - will place you in a very poor position with your Maker - the God of this Universe. And whether you believe there to be a God or not is irrelevant. HE IS. He will always BE. I ask that you think carefully about this truth going forward - whether with regards to your own school issues or in support of this School Principal.

Always remember that 'Students' are 'Children first'. Before they enrolled in your school they were children. Before they step into your building, they are children. When they leave for the day, they are children. When they run in the playground, push in line, copy another student's work, or cut class - - they are children. When they run away from classrooms, cry uncontrollably, strike out in rebellion against you... they...are... children.

And oftentimes, the behavior you see on display with abused children is a cry for help that has long been ignored when presented any other way.

It would be wise for you and your staff to take time monthly to consider the children running to the nurse's office for stomach or headaches. Reflect upon the children who constantly act out or who sit and do nothing. It doesn't' matter how wide the smile of their caretakers or how "well loved" their former student siblings or family members were, by you. Please know that no matter where they come from, how attractive or ugly their family history might be, we must pay attention to them as "children". They each have needs. And there is a potential for abuse and neglect in the best looking and most charming of families. Treat each one of them as they are... precious to God, our Creator.

I read in the good book, the Bible... that "See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven." Matthew 18:10 (ESV)

Matthew 18:6 (New Living Translation) says, "But if you cause one of these little ones who trusts in me to fall into sin, it would be better for you to have a large millstone tied around your neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea."

Photo of a Millstone

When children do wrong in your school it is upsetting to everyone. It is disruptive. Wrong doing is called sin. When someone abuses children that person helps to position children to do wrong to others. If someone is consistently harming a child, it is of a certainty 'abuse'. If a child is not properly being cared for, it is called 'neglect'. When you feel sorry for the adult who is not caring properly for the child, and do nothing to serve the family - to the end that you see positive, lasting results in that particular matter - you are supporting the offending adults, and you are participating in a "coverup" of abuse or neglect.

This is serious in the eyes of God. You should never take this lightly. You should never cover for adults who make a habit of harming children. This is wrong. It is Sin.

Sin separates us from God. Do not ignore the sin committed against the children who are in your safe keeping. You have a responsibility to report it. Be Strong. Err on the side of protecting the children. Be Wise. God will show you how to handle the needs of the Children who you refer to as "Students".

Yes, DHS and Child Protective Services continue to FAIL the children around this country, and in Philadelphia, in particular. But Do Your Part. You must position yourself to be a Keeper In Heart of issues that pertain to children. Do not allow your heart to turn cold against children and their trauma. Children. Children... Treasures to be Valued at ALL times - - especially while they are Students. You will do best to remember that while you seek from your Students excellence in academics, attitude and character, Children (underneath the Student Costume), require Protection, Love, Respect, Nurturing, Trustworthiness, and Guidance. You want the best of both worlds while they come to school broken in pieces. Stop helping to cover this up. Fight for the Child FIRST... Then you can pursue your worthy goals and mission as School Principal, on behalf of your school and career.

Ugh! I'm still trying to understand how the young lady's boyfriend graduated from a Philadelphia high school after attending just four days of classes during his final year of school. What's his story? Interestingly enough, while we won't learn of it today, you can be assured that for him... No one came. And unfortunately, the way we will learn more about people like him is during some tragic, untimely, misguided event or experience. Hopefully it does not involve the care of you or your loved one in a time of crisis when reading, math, science or some emotional intelligence skill is required. He'll be out to sea without his paddle... and your loved one... well, God forbid... but they could be somewhere... lost at sea.

Sincerely,

Mom Mom to Every Hurting Child